Wishy-washy DC: Soft on crime, soft on terrorism

    

"Hoodies to the left of me, Mujahideen to the right, here I am stuck in the middle with you!"

When David Cameron swept to power promising to create a "new Conservative Party" few could have imagined quite how dramatic the shift from Right to wrong would be.

Hot on the heels of Cameron's "hug a hoody" policy and wavering over terrorist detention, comes his disgraceful flip-flopping over Iraq.

The failed attempt of the Tories to force a fresh inquiry into the war, standing shoulder-to-shoulder with Galloway and the Lib Dems, was breathtaking in its hypocrisy and opportunism.

Also chiming into the lobbies alongside the old Etonain were the SNP, led by the despicable, seditious miscreant Alex Salmond, a man who described the liberation of Kosovo as "an act of unpardonable folly" - something his Muslim backers should take note of.

Not only would an inquiry send all the wrong signals to the British troops out in Iraq, it would also be wholly unnecessary. There have already been FOUR INQUIRIES, all of which have cleared the Government of any wrongdoing.

1. Foreign Affairs Select Committee, July 2003, Inquiry into the intelligence leading up to war: CLEARED

2. Intelligence & Security Committee, September 2003, Investigation into the intelligence behind the Iraq dossier of September 2002: CLEARED

3. Hutton Report, January 2004, Inquiry into the death of weapons expert Dr. David Kelly: CLEARED

4. Butler Inquiry, July 2004, Inquiry into the accuracy of intelligence purporting to show Iraq's capacity to produce WMDs: CLEARED

    

Well, if DC and his pals really want an inquiry, they can have one, and I challenge anyone to disagree with the findings. I present The Das Report:

Conclusions - (i). Saddam was an evil dictator; (ii). The Iraqi people wanted him out; (iii). Tony Blair and George Bush should be praised for forcing him out; (iv). Democracy is better than dictatorship; (v). Those who supported the enemy, i.e. Galloway, should receive the treatment meted out to traitors in the old days ...

NFL - National Finaglers League

    

So there was I, slumped in fornt of the television at two in the morning, hoping to catch the decisive match of the World Series - little did I know that it had already been done and dusted - when instead on came five's live coverage of American Football.

Having not seen a game since the Superbowl I decided to sit up and watch. Now we all know about the incessant ad breaks and stoppages of play which make a sixty minute game last FOUR HOURS, but I did learn something new last night: That the rulebook allows teams to cheat.

You're allowed to call a time-out at any point, provided the ball is dead, even if it is just miliseconds before the snap. And that's exactly what Carolina Panthers coach John Fox did, in an effort to "ice the kicker".

He needn't have bothered, the Panthers defence blocking kicker Mike Vanderjagt's effort ... Fox got his just desserts, however, only seconds later when Vanderjagt rifled in the re-taken field goal! Carolina didn't score another point, going on to lose the match 35-14 to the Dallas Cowboys, Romo done!

Looking back, just imagine if the rules of football and cricket had permitted such gamesmanship: Greece manager Otto Rehhagel calling a time-out while David Beckham was running up to score the injury-time leveller at Old Trafford that took England to the 2002 World Cup ...

    

... or Australia coach John Buchanan making the time-out signal just as Steve Harmison bounded in to dismiss Michael Kasprowicz, win the Edgbaston Test by a whisker and set England on course for the Ashes.

It ain't fair, it isn't sporting, and, as Geoffrey might say, eet's just not crickeet!

Geoffrey Boycott: The voice of reason

Good old Geoffrey! He can always be relied upon to tell it how it is, and his latest rant about the failings of England coach Duncan Fletcher is spot-on.

One might think it bizarre, sacrilegous even, to be talking in such terms about a man who only a year ago wrested back the Ashes after 18 years of hurt.

For what it's worth, I agree with Boycott. Fletcher's high-point was last summer, since when England's record has made dismal reading.

Of the 13 Tests since reclaiming the Ashes, England have won only five, including the famous forfeited Test against Pakistan; in ODIs, their form is even worse, winning just six out of their last 24, one of those against the mighty Ireland!

And my choice to replace Fletcher? John Wright, who led India to a 1-1 draw in Australia three winters ago, inflicting upon the Aussies their only home defeat in a live rubber out of their last 58 home tests.

Additionally, Wright's India were no one-day slouches either, reaching the last World Cup Final, winning nine and losing two of their 11 matches.

If England are to bounce back from the six wicket hammering meted out by Australia and perform at the next World Cup, which is less than five months away, perhaps the time has come to ditch Fletcher and opt for someone new.

DC turns MC

"Yo whassup y'all? Down in the hood me and my Eton possy is jus' chillin'. You listenin' bredrin? Wagwaan blaaad, get me and my homeboy Georgey O some charlie or you is dead, mutha fucka!"



Well, maybe that's not quite how it went down when US rapper Rhymefest met Tory leader David Cameron for a tete-a-tete.

Oh, to have been a fly on the wall ...

Windies Windies Windies! Oi, oi, oi!

At last, at long, long last, the Champions Trophy has come alive! What a spectacular end to the first round of matches, with the West Indies squeezing past the Aussies by ten runs.

The heroes for the defending champions were R.S. Morton - scorer of a fine unbeaten 90 - and Jerome Taylor, who became the first ever West Indian to take a ODI hat-trick, ending up with figures of 4-49.

    

The West Indies win was all the more improbable given their pitiful nine wicket defeat to Sri Lanka in their last outing, in which only two batsmen reached double figures.

Of most significance from this result - certainly to English eyes - is the manner in which the World Champions disintegrated, collapsing from 182-4 to finish on 224-9.

England must surely hope to capitalise on the these new found psychological flaws when the teams resume hostilities on Saturday, especially the success of wise guy Chris Gayle's incessant sledging.

What was it Corporal Jones said? "They don't like it up 'em!" How true of the boys in baggy green who love to dish it out but just can't take it!!!

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Elsewhere, Pakistan put their recent troubles behind them to beat Sri Lanka by four wickets, New Zealand defeated South Africa by 87 runs and hosts India saw off England - winning a low-scoring contest by four wickets.

Finally, in what was probably the least meaningful cricket match ever played, Bangladesh avoided the wooden spoon by cantering to a 101 run victory over Zimbabwe, who remain rock bottom of world cricket.

Scholesy for England!

"It's Evra, through to Saha, he finds Scholes, tees himself up, it's made for him, and he scores! A stunning strike, classic Scholes, classic United!!!"



And so the fun goes on, three wins out of three, top of Group F and top of the Premiership, could life be any better for a United fan? Well, yes, defeat tonight for Chelsea and humiliation for Mourinho would go down very nicely indeed!

Keep an eye on Frank Lampard; another pitiful display from the over-rated pie-eater and surely an England recall for Paul Scholes can't be far away, provided Scholesy makes himself available.

1, 2, 3, altogether now: Barca, Barca, Barca!!!

Simple Simon does a u-turn

Sion Simon, one of the traitors who called for the Prime Minister to step down, has been forced into a humiliating climbdown after his send-up of David Cameron went down as well as lead balloon.

Oh, how the not-so-mighty have fallen! :-> Judge for yourself the rather lame attempt at comedy of silly Sion and the genuine article itself:

    

Apart from the comedic shortcomings of Sion Simon, what leaps out more than anything is the sheer hypocrisy of the man, who's had more changes of heart in the past couple of years than most people have in a lifetime.

Here are some of his most notable flip-flops:

March 2003 - Simon Says: "Let's go to war with Iraq. I love Tony Blair."

September 2006 - Simon Says: "I'm an embittered, twisted man. Tony never made me a Minister. Boo hoo! Troops out, Blair must go."

Thursday 12th October 2006 - Simon Says: "It's not the slightest bit offensive. It's just satire!"

Friday 13th October 2006 - Simon Says: "I'm sorry, it was a silly mistake."

Enough said ...

Bring back Sven, Becks and even David James!!!

Well that was worth wandering out into the pouring rain for, just to see that bunch of greedy, passionless nonces slump to their worst defeat in 13 years.

It was embarassing. Pass the ball? They couldn't even pass water! They were poor from top to bottom. Great greedy guts Ashley Cole was particularly shocking, at fault for the first goal and hobbling around towards the end of the match, keen to preserve himself for Abramovich's pleasure and vast pay cheque.

Let's face it, these footballers who are on upwards of £100,000 a week for their clubs couldn't give a monkeys about England. They seem to pull on the white shirt and forget how to play.

Oh well, at least we all had a laugh, watching one of the funniest goals you're ever likely to see! Gary Neville - it just had to be Neville - passed the ball back to Paul Robinson, only for the Spurs keeper to kick at thin air as the ball rolled agonisingly, painfully into the empty net!!!

    



And here's to you, Mr Robinson, Croatia loves you more than you will know ... ;)

Schumacher shut-out

Schumacher shut-out

Six years, six long years, that's how far back you'd have to go to find the last time Michael Schumacher suffered an engine failure. Oh, how cruel, how very cruel that he should be denied a valedictory Championship because of a blow-out.

Many will have no sympathy for the German, however, recalling his antics at Adeleide in 1994 when he denied Damon Hill the World Championship and his unsuccessful attempt at doing the same to Jaques Villeneuve at Jerez in 1997.

Here, watch them both and make up your own mind ...

    

Cheat or champion?

Hair today, gone tomorrow ... ?

And so the fallout from the forfeited Oval Test continues. The latest twists being the debacle over the interim successor to Inzamam and the axing of the invisible man Billy "see no evil, hear no evil" Doctrove from the Champions Trophy in India.

Enough already! The ICC should just sack Darrell Hair and get on with it, with all eyes focused on Mohali tomorrow morning and the start of the Champions Trophy.

The truth about "Repsect"

I had a bit of fun yesterday arguing with a gang of "Respect" party members. They even invited me to their conference next weekend! Blairites being fed to the Ba'athists perhaps ...

Well, I've been swotting up on them, even more so now than before. The best link I've found so far is an article by Nick Cohen in The Observer, in the run-up to last year's General Election.

I think it should be made compulsory reading for anyone interested in politics, compulsory for anyone who voted "Respect" and compulsory for all schoolchildren.