Watch and laugh

FORGET tommorow night's Question Time, or even Tuesday's London Tonight debate, this is what every Londoner should watch before voting next week.

Lights, camera...



Simply brilliant!

Zippy, Bungle, George and Geoffrey, we all sadly miss ye.

Best pub in London?

BEER served in jugs, the way it should be; £7.86 for a round of four; fabulous location on the Strand; nice interior, with booths that make you feel like you're in a train compartment; all round an old style bierkeller, the perfect antidote to some poncy wine bar, of which there are too many.

And the name of this amazing ale house? The Lyceum Tavern, adjacent to the theatre, at the junction of Strand and Aldwych.

Now here's something you don't need to be drunk to enjoy:-



That's what you call talent! Kate and her beautiful border collie Gin.

She's grrrrrrreat!!!

• List of Sam Smith's pubs
• Britain's Got Talent

Happy fifth birthday to a free Iraq

CELEBRATE the fall of Saddam, rejoice in the birth of a new democracy, but never forget the thousands of American and hundreds of British troops who gave their lives so this could be possible.

Remember also the hundreds of thousands of brave Iraqis murdered by terrorists these past five years.

Freedom, liberty, justice, equality, democracy ... values they hate; values we love.

Olympic chiefs call in record-breaking duo in attempt to wrong-foot protesters

FIENDISH Chinese Olympic chiefs have come up with a cunning plan to prevent the Olympic torch being stolen when the torch relay comes to London this Sunday.

Their secret weapon is the world record double act of Bao Xishun and He Pingping, the world's tallest and shortest individuals, proud Chinamen who hail from Inner Mongolia, Genghis Khan's old stomping ground.

The idea is for the two Mongols to run the most dangerous legs of the relay, which have been identified by police as likely flashpoints, with Bao carrying the torch through Chinatown and He scampering along Whitehall.



At 7' 9", it is unlikely any of the pro-Tibet protesters will get anywhere near the torch as Bao holds it above his head, while 2' 4" He will be able to run through people's legs to safety if the agitators close in.

Cricket star Kevin Pietersen, five-time gold medal winning rower
Sir Steve Redgrave, tennis flop Tim Henman, double Olympic champion Dame Kelly Holmes and Prime Minister Gordon Brown are amongst Bao and He's fellow torch-bearers and are expected to run the less contentious legs.

• On this day: Sunday, April 1st, 2007