Shamik Das


Saturday, July 26, 2008

We've packed our bags and we're off to India

"Tschüss!"

A BEAUTIFUL land, a place I like to call home, but 'tis a nation divided along lines of wealth and class, in which millions live in poverty, a land where the rich seem to get richer while the poor get poorer, a country whose Government is on the verge of collapse and whose cricketers are performing abysmally...

But enough about England, I've got a plane to catch!

Hopefully the Prime Mentalist will have been shipped off to a Guatemalan insane asylum by the time I get back, shouting "it's the global economy, stupid" as he's dragged away kicking and screaming in a straitjacket.

Au revoir, mes amis!

Friday, July 25, 2008

Give Monty a break

Flying Sikh: Monty Panesar has been dubbed the "Sikh of tweak"

WITH his grizzly beard, navy blue patka, impish smile and iron kara which glistens every time he whirrs his ten-inch hands, Monty Panesar is one of the most recognisable, and most popular, sportsmen in Britain.

At over six foot tall he is a lot bigger than people imagine, and with more than a hundred wickets at 32 runs apiece – including eight five-fors – from his 31 Tests for England his quality cannot be doubted.

The 26-year-old from Luton only made his debut in 2006 against India, bursting onto the scene in style by trapping the great Sachin Tendulkar leg before wicket for 16.

Yet every time he takes the field or strides out to the middle, there’s a strange, almost surreal atmosphere, in which the whole ground, to a man, cheer his every move, applause borne more out of sardony than respect.

At first you felt the crowds were genuinely cheering for Monty, a man nothing like any of the 630 England Test players before him, the first Sikh to play for England and the first Sikh to make it big in Britain while staying true to the symbols of faith.

But continue it did, through the Ashes, World Cup and series against Sri Lanka, Pakistan, West Indies, India and New Zealand; he’s now played against every major cricket power.

Fast forward to the summer of 2008 and the current series against South Africa, where now, some two-and-a-half years into his international career, the novelty shows no sign of wearing off, the mocking roars as loud as ever.

High-five: Monty celebrates a wicket at the Oval

You've got to feel for the guy. Every time he fields the ball an almighty cacophony builds up, rising to a crescendo as he races round the boundary, slogging his guts out for his country, the raucous fans willing him on but secretly hoping for a fumble.

The pressure he must be under is enormous, far greater than any other fielder, and wholly undeserved, for the slip-ups and girlie throws are a thing of the past, with new England fielding coach Richard Halsall adamant that Monty can hold his own.

"His performances have been nothing short of brilliant," Halsall told the BBC's Test Match Special. "He's under almost unbelievable pressure every time he fields the ball.

"At Lord's he threw in four returns out of four right over the bails, from all corners of the ground, in the first three overs of the day.

"He works really hard at his fielding and batting, he takes a lot of pride in what he does. Without doubt he's the most improved fielder in the squad."

There you have it, straight from the horse's mouth: the merciless derision of this fine, young sportsman must stop, for the boorish antics of the beer-bellied clowns in Monty masks may one day cause him to implode.

So the next time you pop along to an England Test match or one-day international, control your urge to join in the whooping and the hollering; a smattering of polite applause when his throws ping the keeper’s gloves should suffice.

Monty's official website
Panesar's Cricinfo profile

In the name of Gord, go

"It's the global economy, stupid; I am not to blame, I've done nothing wrong, I'm a courageous leader, a true statesman and I am The Second Coming"

IF you thought it couldn't get any worse following the Henley humiliation, Crewe crucifixion, 10p tax debacle, a surge in violent crime, the scourge of feral youths, rising inflation, high unemployment, faltering industrial relations, tax rises, u-turns and the school exams fiasco, well, think again.

Gordon Brown has been well and truly stuffed this morning, losing the Glasgow East by-election by 365 votes to the Scottish National Party after a recount.

Glasgow East. The 25th safest Labour seat in Britain and the third safest in Scotland.

I've said it before and I'll say it again: Brown must go. Now.

Thanks to him, Labour will lose the next election. The only question is by how much. If he stays, we're looking at a 200-seat Tory majority; if he goes, his successor could limit the damage to 100 seats or less.

Alan Johnson, David Milliband and James Purnell must step up to the plate and topple the mentally-deranged, dishonest, unelected and unpopular traitor.

There's more chance of Hull winning the Premiership than their is of Brown doing the right thing and going voluntarily.

And the good news? The SNP will require a smaller swing to unseat the Prime Minister from his Kirkcaldy constituency at the General Election.

Fingers crossed...

Worst Prime Minister ever
Glasgow East by-election results
Brown's deceit over 42 days

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Freedom of speech given a thrashing

"Look into my eyes..."

THEY do look alarmingly identical, don't they?

How incredible would that be, for Jon Snow to be reporting on his own court case?!

Sadly, though, there was little to laugh about following today's High Court ruling, in which the judge decided the right of Max Mosley to indulge his obscene fetishes supersedes the rights of newspapers to report the truth.

Mr Justice Eady has set down a dangerous precedent, one in which the rich and powerful will be able to stifle the truth and get away, almost literally, with murder.

Yet again the Human Rights Act, Article Eight in particular, is working against the public interest and in favour of certified fruitcakes. One wonders if any normal, decent citizen has benefitted from this ill-thought-out piece of legislation.

The front-page headline    "Heil Hitler!"

In what possible way can Mosley claim to have had his "private and family life" breached? Family life? Since when does indulging in vulgar acts with vice girls constitute "family life"?

Mosley is the one who had no respect for his family; one can only imagine how embarrassed and ashamed his wife and kids were by his sickening acts of depravity.

And how about the hookers' Article Ten rights for "freedom of expression"? Their right to tell the truth about Mosley, the elected head of a world sporting body, the FIA.

We're not talking about some bawdy burlesque house with a small clientele of loyal perverts, but the son of Sir Oswald Mosley, leader of the British Union of Fascists.

As Channel Four News's Carl Dinnen put it, "in this, as in many of these cases, Article Eight has given Article Ten a good spanking"!

Watch the sordid video
Read the News of the World reaction

"Bollards!"

"One is quite hacked orf by this incident"

SMILE! You've just become a statistic.

Welcome to the real world Dave, where scummy men go round nicking people's bikes. And phones. And hubcaps.

Just this morning I woke to find some prick had made off with my car aerial. From right outside my house. The cheek of it.

Mr Cameron, we finally have something in common...



What a video! Notice also the fat balding man in the doorway behind Cameron - he has no face. He is either a refugee from Dr Who or a Borg.

As for the chavs who made off with DC's pride and joy, well, I wonder if he'll be hugging those hoodies!!!

March 2008: Cameron apologises for dangerous cycling
April 2006: "Hypocrisy" gibe over DC's cycle-mania

Monday, July 21, 2008

If AB is Laurel, does that make Smith Hardy?

"That's another fine mess you've gotten us into"

THE goofy smile, mop of ginger hair and puzzled expression make Abraham Benjamin de Villiers and Stan Laurel look like identical twins, and on Friday afternoon AB really did live up to the name.

His juggling act to try and dismiss Andrew Strauss, when he caught the ball, dropped it to the ground, then "caught" it again, was pure slapstick, high farce of which Stan would have been proud.

That aside, though, AB is no clown. He can bat anywhere in the order, from one through to seven, aggressive opener, middle-order couter-attacker or lower-middle-order battler; he's a great slip fielder and can even keep wicket, far better than any of England's current crop - now they really are jokers - and he also likes to bowl medium pacers.

Like all South Africans, cricket's not all he's good at, his sporting prowess stretching to hockey, where he excelled in his youth, golf, which he plays off scratch, swimming and rugby.

He also holds the record for the most Test innings without a duck, for a batsman never dismissed without scoring - 73 and counting - and is his team's chief ball-shiner.

And today he proved just how good a fielder he is, diving full-stretch in the gully to pull off a brilliant catch to dismiss Ian Bell for four and break into the tail to go alongside his first innings 174 and set up the Proteas' ten-wicket drubbing of England.

Catch, catch, catch: Jonty Rhodes in full flight

It was a catch the legendary Jonty Rhodes would have been proud of, and reminiscent of his unbelievable catch to dismiss Robert Croft in the 1999 World Cup, when he leapt up into the air at point, palmed the ball up and then caught it on the way down.

You had to scratch your eyes and do a double-take before realising what had happened

Complete second Test scorecard
Third Test: Wednesday 30th July - Sunday 3rd August (Edgbaston)

Sunday, July 20, 2008

EXCLUSIVE: Wembley Arena dishes out dodgy mayo

HELL-mann's: Stale mayonnaise being passed off as genuine

WEMBLEY ARENA is dispensing out-of-date mayonnaise in its fast-food outlets.

The best before date on the packets of Hellmann's Light Mayonnaise is the first of May - more than two-and-a-half months ago.

And the source of the dodgy mayo, or majonéz? Why, it's our favourite new friend, Poland!

Everything you ever wanted to know about mayo

Friday, July 18, 2008

Bolton today, Bollywood tomorrow

It's no Accident: By day he patrols the hospitals of Lancashire, by night he stalks the streets of southern India

EVER imagined yourself starring alongside the likes of Amitabh Bachchan and Salman Khan, or fantasised about having sexy time with Aishwarya Rai, Sushmita Sen or the lascivious Shilpa Shetty?

Well, for one mild-mannered doctor, the dream of starring in a Bollywood film has come true. Mahesh Kumar has downed scalpels to play the role of villainous rogue Khader Bhai in Ramesh Aravind’s Accident.

The head of radiology at Pennine Acute Trust, which runs hospitals in Oldham, Rochdale, Bury and north Manchester, Dr Kumar used up his annual leave to head to Bangalore, delighted to swap his day-job analysing x-ray screens for a chance to appear on the big screen.

In the film the 43-year-old, who lives in Bolton, runs a nightclub and pirate DVD empire – as far from the wards of rain-soaked Lancashire's hospitals as one can imagine – murdering, dancing and singing amok.

The lead is played by Aravind, a school friend of Kumar, whose character Sawanth suspects his wife's death was murder, setting him on a collision course with his on-screen foe, with the entire movie filmed in Kannada, the language of Karnataka.

"Some of my friends are involved in mainstream film production, and they just said that the role would suit me, so did I want to do it?" he recalled.

"I simply couldn't resist it! I had a great time playing this villain, who leads a gang involved in CD/DVD piracy."

The doc says acting helps him wind down after a hard day's work, and urges others to take it up. "Everyone should have a hobby to help them cope with stress," he added.

Sushmita Sen    Aishwarya Rai

"I've always been interested in creative art since stage plays at school. Acting gives me a real buzz and encourages me to think laterally. Everyone should have a hobby to break the stress of monotony.

"It's really exciting to see the film get released here in the UK, and we're obviously hoping that more dates will be added to its run.

"I'm not giving up my professional role just yet, nothing would take me away from my clinical work, but this was a great thing to do. I had a fantastic time."

Though he has no plans to give up his day job, there have been several instances in the past of people leaving behind regular professions and making it big in Bollwood, Shekhar Kapur being one of the most famous.

Kapur qualified as a chartered accountant aged 22 and moved to Britain to work in accountancy and management consultancy, only achieving success on the silver screen when he was in his late thirties, directing hit films Masoom, Mr India and Bandit Queen, before heading to Hollywood and winning Oscars for Elizabeth and Elizabeth: The Golden Age.

So there you have it, all you accountants and doctors out there, all you teachers and civil servants, pharmacists and engineers, you too could make it to Bollywood, and all the fame, wealth and women that come with it.

Now, has anyone got Aamir Khan's number?

Bollywood World
Bollywood.com
Planet Bollywood

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

We've had twenty20 aplenty, now it's time for cricketers to face a real Test

Monty Panesar in action (© Shamik Das)

WITH the cheap thrills and expensive salaries on offer in twenty20 cricket, Test cricket has never been in greater danger.

Poor attendances overseas, too many one-sided matches and the shortening attention spans of an increasingly shallow public have all been blamed for the falling appeal of the longer form of the game and the resulting popularity of one-dayers.

As witnessed this past week, good Test cricket remains one of the most exhilarating sports around, never more so than when played in front of a full house at the home of cricket, with an estimated 135,000 spectators filing through Lord's to watch England play South Africa.

Shamik Das (© Shamik Das)    Peter and Wolfie (© Shamik Das)

The first Test may have ended in a draw, but no other sporting contest offers up so many different phases of play, in a venue as serene as Lord's on a midsummer's day, and in no sport except Test cricket at its best can one witness two countries battling it out for months on end, the lead changing hands several times – in each game and in the series overall – and still end up equal.

Imagine the recent Wimbledon final but spread out over several weeks, each set lasting five days, both sides playing at the height of their powers, pushing each other to their mental and physical limits, until one of them blinks. That's what happened in the 2005 Ashes and on England’s last tour of South Africa.

Only last week, Australian captain Ricky Ponting expressed his fears over the future of Test cricket, calling for a tournament-style Test world championship. "I think the logistics of it is going to be the difficult thing," he said.

Ryan Sidebottom runs in to bowl (© Shamik Das)

There was an opening for just such a tournament – a real Test world championship – during the first half of the next English summer. The England and Wales Cricket Board, however, had other ideas over how to plug the gap left by Zimbabwe's withdrawal.

They have decided to invite Sri Lanka over for two Tests and three one-day internationals, a team they've met five times in the seven years from November 2000 to December 2007, playing 15 Tests. The Lankans are a great people who produce fantastic players, but six series in under nine years smacks of overkill.

The ECB should instead have taken the bold decision to stage an inaugural knock-out Test championship. With every country bar none free from mid-April to late May next year – save for a one-day tri-series in Sri Lanka which they’ve scrapped anyway – the timing is perfect.

Plan for the Test world championship (© Shamik Das)

My plan is for three groups of three, based on the world rankings, with the group winners and the best runner-up – determined by net average – progressing to the semi-finals, followed by a final at Lord's. If drawn, the two semis could be decided by a bowl-out and the final could be made a six-day or timeless Test.

The only problem, of course, is the Indian Premier League, which this year ran from April 18 to June 1 and lasted 45 days, with next year set to be even longer, lasting no less than fifty days from April 10 to May 29.

Indeed the 2009 IPL is threatening to derail the propsed Sri Lanka series, with contingency plans being drawn up for a shadow to be sent over should stars like Kumar Sangakkara and Murali refuse to come to England.

So we're back to square one?

Not if the boards pull rank, or if next year's IPL is cancelled. The time is there but the political will is lacking. Greedy cricketers who dance to the tune of businessmen like Sir Allen Stanford - the Texan billionaire who is staging a series of £500,000-a-man winner-takes-all contests - are in danger of killing Test cricket, the very pinnacle of the game.

It isn't too late; there's still time to tell Stanford where to stick his millions.

For full details of my proposed Test world championship, including dates, seedings and venues, please e-mail me: shamik@shamik.co.uk
More pictures from day three of the first Test
More pictures from day five of the first Test

Wednesday, July 09, 2008

And finally...



IT'S the story they all missed out on.

The day after his unveiling as the new Chelsea manager, we have the behind-the-scenes story of why Big Phil's Portugal bottled it at the Euros.

Unconfirmed reports suggest the brick-throwing blonde seen running from the hotel was in fact Sir Alex Ferguson in drag.

Frau Eberharter's oubliette
More exclusive videos

Sunday, July 06, 2008

Kings of Spain

Viva Vienna: Iker Casillas holds aloft the European Championship trophy    King rat: Rafael Nadal chomps on the Wimbledon silverware

RAFAEL NADAL capped a glorious week for Spain with an epic five-hour, five-set win over Roger Federer tonight.

Following his countrymen's triumph at Euro 2008 last week Nadal beat Federer 6-4 6-4 6-7 6-7 9-7 in the longest final in Wimbledon history.

In doing so, the Spanish world number two became the first man since Björn Borg to win the French Open and Wimbledon double, and the first Spaniard since Manuel Santana to win on grass.

The moment of victory came at 9:16pm, when five-time defending champion Federer netted with a forehand approach in near darkness, after which Nadal clambered up to the Royal Box to embrace his family.

¡Viva España!

Rafa's moment of victory
Nadal v Federer highlights
Spain v Germany highlights

Saturday, July 05, 2008

EXCLUSIVE: Ken roasts Boris over Lewis debacle

Boris Johnson and Ray Lewis

KEN LIVINGSTONE last night mocked London Mayor Boris Johnson for his bungled handling of the Ray Lewis affair.

Lewis was forced to stand down yesterday following fresh revelations about his past, namely that he had never been a magistrate.

The controversy follows the resignation of another of Johnson's key advisers last month, when the Mayor's director of political strategy James McGrath was involved in a race row.

When asked about the prospect of black Londoners leaving the capital because of outrage at Johnson's racist past, McGrath sneered "well, let them go if they don't like it here".

Shocking language, even more so when one considers McGrath is himself an immigrant, one of John Howard's boorish, uncultured Australians who speak before thinking; in an ironic twist, he's the one who's now left the country.

Shoulder to shoulder: Johnson and Lewis in happier times    Hat's the way to do it: Red Ken in his eighties pomp

Livingstone was speaking at a fundraising dinner in his spiritual homeland of Brent, where he was the Member of Parliament for Brent East from 1987 to 2001 before becoming mayor.

"I mean, it took the best part of eight years before I had to remove two of my advisers," said Livingstone. "It's taken only eight weeks for Boris to have to do the same.

"As for Ray [Lewis], well, who could forget whether or not they've been made a JP?"

The allegations against Ray Lewis
Revealed: Boris Johnson's racism

Friday, July 04, 2008

Pinochet in the House?

Paul Murphy    General Pinochet

NOT bloody likely considering the murderous tyrant is dead, but his lookalike sat next to Gordon Brown at PMQs yesterday afternoon.

A co-conspirator noted it first time round on Guido's blog, and, on
This Week, I saw it for myself.

His name is General Paul Murphy-ochet, the Secretary of State for Wales, nodding sagely every time the Prime Minster blamed the faltering economy on "global economic forces" and not himself.

Quite how he managed to keep a straight face is anyone's guess.

Thursday, July 03, 2008

Fascist scum on the march

Nazis: Racist thugs in Poland

LAST week's by-election in Henley was a depressing one. It’s not just that Labour polled an abysmal three per cent, but that they were beaten into fifth place by the BNP.

Let me just re-iterate that fact: more people voted for the British National Party than the governing party of this country. It takes a while to sink in.

Labour's woes and the Prime Minister's growing unpopularity aside, it was still a worrying result, as shocking as it was unexpected, the reverberations of which are still being felt today.

If such a result can happen in the rural idyll of Henley-on-Thames, a picture perfect village as far removed from the desolation and deprivation of the scummiest inner city cess pits as one can imagine, it can happen anywhere.

Though the Henley result was their biggest, most high-profile impact on a Parliamentary election so far, the BNP have made gains in local council elections, increasing their vote every year since 2005.

The BNP currently have more than 50 coucillors nationally, 13 of which are in London – 12 in Barking and Dagenham and one in Redbridge – with a further four in neighbouring Epping Forest in Essex.

Other town where they have enjoyed electoral success include Burnley (four councillors), Bradford (two) and Kirklees (two) in the North, and Sandwell (two) and Stoke-on-Trent (nine) in the Midlands.

And in May, they scored their biggest win to date, claiming a seat on the London Assembly via the top-up lists by just 10,000 votes. As ever, turnout was key, and if just a handful more Londoners had voted, for whatever party, they wouldn’t have got in.

So how can they be beaten? Getting more people to vote is definitely one way, as is allaying people's fears on immigration, but the key is to confront these vile racists head on and demolish the lies and propaganda they spread.

Margaret Hodge    Liam Byrne

Ceding ground to them and trying to sound ever more right-wing, as some in the Government have been doing, is not the answer. Margaret Hodge, a third-rate backbencher and Member of Parliament for Barking, proposes just this strategy, and it's resulted in a dozen BNP coucillors in her own back yard.

Another Labour MP, Immigration Minister Liam Byrne, has gone even further, last month unveiling plans to fine and possibly jail British Asians if their relatives from India and Pakistan overstay their visas, having made them pay a cash bond in advance of their arrival.

"What we want to do is have a new system but punish people if things go wrong," he said, referring to people coming over for family weddings and then disappearing. "We want to make sure that we can just hit people and hit people hard if their family member breaks the rules."

When French resistance fighters killed German soldiers the Gestapo would round up innocent villagers and shoot ten of them for every dead German soldier. It was called "collective punishment"; this policy works on the same principle.

No, the way to see off the threat of the BNP is to allay voters’ fears over everything from crime to youth provision to the health service to education, and take on and destroy the racists’ propaganda that immigrants are responsible for all this nation’s ills.

Immigration into this country has resulted in a net benefit to the British economy. Fact. The National Health Service would collapse without immigrants. Fact. Millions of British jobs depend on foreign trade and investment. Fact. The list goes on and on…

They may no longer be as overtly racist as they once were, and they may have swapped their black-shits and skinheads for tailored suits and slick haircuts, but scratch the surface and they’re the same nasty, repugnant filth they always were.

They may try to divide us, but united we shall remain.

When the time comes, get out and vote, for a wasted vote is as bad as a BNP one.

For a detailed analysis of the London Assembly results,
please e-mail me: shamik@shamik.co.uk

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